Lose your FACE!

It's difficult to see the picture when you're in the frame.

It's also easier to be honest with someone other than yourself. Especially so when you confuse yourself with all the things you think you should be with who you are, what you should be feeling with what you are feeling, what people expect of you versus what you expect of yourself, what you're good at versus what actually livens you. I suppose the reason why knowing yourself is the toughest thing to do is that you exist more in your head than in real life.

After a very honest, profound and inspiring conversation with Willem today, I had some important realisations:

- I'm often in my own way. I don't ask for help when I need it the most. I want to help other people, but the only way I can help other people is by helping myself first. He demonstrated how simple it is to ask, and you don't lose anything from it. If I'm not happy, inspired, energised, alive...how am I supposed to positively impact another person's life? The only person I can change is myself. I am responsible for the energy I bring. Neither can I help someone else, if I'm broke, or floundering for a lifeline.

- I'm a bit of a masochist. It's an odd thing to say...but some way some how...I usually find my way back to things that do not bring me any joy...for "practical reasons". I beat myself up about things that distract me from what I'm supposed to be doing. Its a bitter pill to swallow when you discover what you've worked nearly your whole life for does not bring you any bit of joy. On the other hand, it is liberating when you realise that, and you let it go. When you've killed the option of going back to your old unhappy ways, you're forced to go into unknown territory. Better the quest than the safe sad little wheel, right? "You cannot solve your new problems with your old ways," he said.

- I'm very much attached to the image of always doing the right thing, saying the right thing, being socially acceptable. After all, I belong to a profession that prides itself in quality and correctness. I also hate "losing face". Its a term in Asian culture, losing face is the equivalent to being embarrassed, and having no place to hide your face. I know that having people see an unformed substance has always been uncomfortable feeling for me. I always have to "have it together". I've subsequently been drowning in the thoughts of finding my purpose, and doing the "right" thing that I've paralysed myself. For fear of doing the wrong thing, I haven't embraced the fun part of just doing and discovering.

I'm still young. I don't know it all. I'm okay with failing as long as I'm having fun.

So I'm done with thinking about stuff now. I'm ready to do and sell some sh*t.

Lose my mind. Lose my face!

I start with my homework, and I commit to inasmuch as possible to do things that are not harmful to my own esteem.

Thank you Mr Gous for meeting me today :). Looking forward to working with you in the future. 

Opening doors

Today I've learned a few important lessons:

1. The danger of wholeheartedly pursuing your ambitions without regard for others. If you choose to pursue your dreams, don't do it alone is all I'm saying. Make sure you have someone to catch you when you fall. Have someone who can give you the right words when you need the most. Having others give you feedback, and listening to them...whether they are right are wrong is still a very important habit - as much as they are your friends, your good friends are also your advisors, a different mirror and light to your life. They may be wrong because of timing, or intention. You need to know. Even the people who protect you, your family can be wrong because they worried about your safety...and in doing so you close yourself off to the world. I'm not saying be rebellious, I'm saying LISTEN...and decide with what advice is relevant and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR decisions and actions. Listen to other people, even if you don't agree, they see what you cannot....conversely sometimes they cannot see what you see...and that's when you need to clear the misunderstandings.

The day you believe you're the best, can't listen to anyone else but your own, no one can help you..this is when things start getting interesting for you. That's when things start falling apart. Just saying...you were warned! Elon Musk once said that he values negative feedback more than positive, because as much as positive feedback celebrates your success negative feedback gives you an action plan to be even more better. Better than the competition. Be the leader. Be better than yourself everyday.

2. Negotiation is not all about money. It's about building a long term relationship. A win-win, as Alex Mandossian will say so in GBI. Super powerful and super applicable to our own lives. 

3. Recognizing that sloppy success is better than perfect medicrity( Alex Mandossian). Perfectionists...you and I will struggle a bit still. Start first and stumble your way to the top. You just need to decide where...yes, planning is key. But if you've spent your whole life planning...planning the perfect plan...when will you start? The time is now! Take a step towards your dreams every single day...even if it is just 1 minute of review. That is what my New Best Friend says and lives by. I can see he gets results due to the speed of implementation. He motivates me to get off my lazy arse of excuses and action my plan! Keeping in action... It keeps you motivated, hungry, and in the habit of action and momentum. Action equates to results as Harv will always say. Just freggin start!! Success breeds success. And celebrate every single success! Harv...you are a genius!

4. Why do we open doors for people? To show them they're welcome inside. This is no longer a culture in our South African nation filled with distrust, prejudice, and misunderstandings. We would sooner build up our castle walls, roll up the windows when we see someone new and strange because you've heard of a friend of a friend of a friend who got robbed because they weren't careful! You don't stop for anyone on the side of the road...and for good reason! The only ones that stop are the mini bus taxi drivers. 

What is being careful? Is careful shutting down everything that comes your way, or is it being discerning? Each to their own I suppose...if you know you're naive like me...no one comes in, until they've built the bridge of trust over long time. You also take precaution to put the minds of your parents and family at ease...especially if things have happened in the past. 

It takes so much time to trust...but what for? In a nation of good people. South Africans are innately good. Some have just lost their way...Our nation of rainbows and hope. As Trevor Noah aptly puts it..."all the colours in the rainbow are going separate ways". Trust first and see later? 

You will miss out on potentially great friends when you have an idea in your head that says who is safe and who isn't. Which are the germs you should let in or do you kill off all germs...you do know that your body needs germs to live right? Is everybody a germ to your life because you believe yourself to be perfect? Do you sanitise them before they enter? Hmmmm....well who needs new friends in your perfect world, as you sip your perfect weak tea, and never do anything in your life to make a mistake?

Even though advertisers label all of the germs bad?! You need the good ones for things like the ones that do the digestion of food...to help you absorb the stuff that gives you life. To live....you need to breathe, to love, to laugh, to feel....to connect. South Africa needs more connectors, more door openers and wall breakers.

 Thank you to my friend for making me realise that. You've proven to be an invaluable person in my life :). I thank God for the day that I bumped into you ;)...and forgot about the staggering wall of my castle. Lol. You were very lucky that day...cos you caught me in something I love the most....shopping. I'm there usually when I have a bad day...and of late, when I have good days I meet the best people. Because I'm open. Lol. You're quite ... A lucky person. You tell me it's because you've been praying. I think God has a plan for you, and as a Christian...it's so humbling to see that you're willing to listen to God's plan. Will I? I don't know. The heart is wiling but the flesh is weak. We will see.

That's it from me now

Ps. Just remember South Africa was a peaceful country with the quiet Khoisan and the loud Zulu's before the greedy world came to dig it's diamonds, its gold, before the world thought they knew better and imposed their way of life in a nation that it does not apply to. South Africans are not about speed or the length of time spent at work or money or fame. South Africans...as simple as it is...are the salt of the earth. They breathe. They take time. They ponder. Most of the times not aloud as the western world does and cuts the innocent bystander with their anger. South Africans select their words carefully...and in doing so, they hardly EVER HURT ANYONE. The new generation of SA that have lost their roots...they are a different breed on their own. And it is a discussion to be held a little later.

Til the next time, it's the start if a new week! Have an amazing one! Make someone smile today...you can only smile if you learn to make others smile first. You will thank me later ;).