Quick. Quick. Slooooowwwwwwwwwwww…..

Today! Was a very slowwwwww…start. I was a bit nervous and sad that it had reached this stage when my energy fizzled out, and disappeared…like how it did when I made a breakthrough at MMI….and had nobody to help me sustain it. I was selling an idea of change…to people who did not appreciate change, even though they wanted the dream of success. The CA dream. What was that? Was it wealth? Was it Health? In what field? Money…? Money only? Is money the only solution? Realllyyyy….there are sooooo many ways to get money….why do you start with the way that makes you the most unhappy? The method of oppression.

I woke up today….wondering if I could, because I slowed down. I thought to myself. Nowwww….what? I don’t have anymore energy. I thought about how soon I was returning to corporate life, and how soon the negative people were gonna suck me dry like a little lemon. I wasn’t ready. They weren’t ready for change. Was I gonna force my way into the boarded CA celebration lunch today at the jozi club? I dono…I hinted at it….but I would have to force or charm my way in….without being welcomed.

I’m not good at forcing my way into doors. As the Malford once said….I’m not good with doors. Lol. If I had to be a cartoon character….The door would be my biggest enemy. Lol. Me my heels….and my stuff.. my heavy heavy stuff….so I suppose people open doors for me. Through appreciation, I’ve realised to say thank you to the people who open doors for me…no matter what….cos…when they do. They show me that they’re gentlemanly…and they’re willing to help me. The guys who refuse to open doors for any lady…especially the beautiful ones(inside or out or both)…are veryyyyyy…lost. In their own ways. Lost in their own ambition maybe? Unwilling to learn a culture of respect and mannerism that allow the lady to feel appreciated? I dono….it was just a thought. Some ladies don’t appreciate the door opening….cos they feel it to mean a sign of the guy being chivalrous…and them feeling small….come on! You’re a frekkin lady. The guy recognises that. Appreciate the damn action! Pa-lease!! Thank you to all the guys who opened doors for me today. It was awesome.

Note to self: I prolly will more likely go to places where ppl open doors for me. Currently the doors I’d like to enter are the doors of possibility…of change….of hope….of freedom…of courage….of wisdom….of wealth….from the inside and out…of happiness…and above all else! Recognition! Recognition of the good and the bad. Recognition of the strength and the weaknesses, without judgement. Beeeecozzzz…when you judge….you harm someone in the process…as I learned today. As my dear friend the Tsai – or should I say….Mr Vegetable??...said…DON’T be so SERIOUS! Hm….i prolly was…while trying to defend a friend, but in the process…I would harm another person. There isn’t wrong or right for always….there are opposites. And what you choose is really important. The willingness to listen! Wow! What …an important skill.

As my Helper…J said today….You must learn as children to grow…and listen to the rules of the adult in the house you live in. You must obey the rules of the owner. If you don’t want to..move out, and buy your own house. My house my rules, as Mr Blair Singer pointed out last weekend. If you are not going to force it….then don’t make them there…because ppl will break them…why would they break them? I dono…to see if you would do anything about it? Or to prove they are stronger than you? Or….cos the rules were not right to begin with??? Rules….

Our rules for our nation….are…potentially good. But no enforcement?? No accountability?? No Transparency?? If we are not transparent…we cannot be able to begin to hold each other accountable to the promises we made to each other. If we do not start to begin to call others on their mistakes and tell them to correct…we need to red flag them, and show them the middle finger…obey or freakkkkkin leave!!! Red card them, as my helper would say. Obviously, as a ref or a coach, you need to warn them. A yellow card or two would help. If they’re still very very very very young…like say….3 years…give them a little more patience. If you don’t have the patience to teach them….then they will never learn the importance of it. And you will never master the art of patience like my dearest helper did as she helped me sweep throught the nonsense in my old house and my new house.

Yes! I’m moving. I’m moving to a better, more central….and possibly more shiny place. The heart of jozi, with awesome young ppl…moving….shaking…making things possible. I’m kinda curious to meet my new neighbours…but when? When they’re all moved in? hmmmmmm…they seem like nice people….which is a plus for me! Yay J.

Okay…so I woke up this morning….and I didn’t feel like it anymore. Why must I pursue a dream of happiness, when I could potentially be broke..and have nothing anymore. My bank account is drying up…in this search….if I don’t monetize it…this journey will possibly come to an end…when I return to the corporate world…where people have set rules, obey or I cut you or press you down. I don’t appreciate oppressors…who force their own ways cos they don’t care anymore about people….and only care about the bottom line. What the hell is the bottom line mean when there’s no happiness or growth…or any value add to anyone…or everyone?! But yourselves??? Just thinking of yourselves is very selfish idea.

When you just think about yourself…you disempower people around you. In showing your power, you make others feel small…and they…in time will rebel against your power…especially if you are a bad person. Your fruits will show. And then we know exactly what is wrong with your roots???!...lol. Yea….i’m pretty sure Mr Harv will explain that to you when you listen to him talk to you…if you ever decide to break through that wall of learning to grow. He has a very important message to share with you if you can learn to appreciate it. The only question is…do you have a pain to address?? If you don’t…or you’re hiding it….somewhere…because there is pain…everywhere….then the value of the seminar will be useless to you. You may as well just bugger off and stop contaminating the space of good people. If you judge him by his work, you will be judged as a person who doesn’t appreciate success…and when you don’t appreciate something you want…you will never appreciate the kind of person you need to become to become a sustainable successful wealthy person…on the inside and out. He is a man with great knowledge and wisdom. And the best part is….he comes from the greatest place. The HEART!!!!

He once said….the heart has a little voice…and you need to listen to it. But we have drowned ourselves out with logic and reason, and reason…excuses about how we can’t…how we must…how we have no choice…we victimize ourselves to be the poor people of the world. And then you want money to come to you when you add no value to people’s lives??? Really??? Pa-leaaazzzz….the world is full of unhappy people trying to step on others to get ahead…trying to pursue shiny things without assuming responsibility of the object or the objective…why…why are you like that?

There have been a few explanations tonight. Wow! Tonight was different. Prolly wasn’t something I was used to. Lol. Out of my comfort zone…but okay. I learned to appreciate what the guy’s appreciate in their world and their inside jokes….about MAGIC is it? Magic couches…DiScOVERY….of mAgic…well….as the guy said…magic should only happen on the couch. The bed is the commitment. Eish! I had not thot about that when I named my blog. What ambiguity. But that’s what happens when you teach and learn and learn and teach the things you need to know…and find patient people who have the time to talk to you.

You just need to find those people who want to. Not the ones who just wanna milk you dry, cos they have nothing inside anymore…and they don’t want to give you anything anymore becos they have nothing….the poverty mindset.

Pooor people aren’t always really poor….and rich people aren’t always wealthy. Today, miss J…or missus….J…my helper superstar, showed me how wealthy she was inside despite her dire circumstances. The thing is…someone like her will never appreciated by a world that’s determined to succeed in a fast manner….why do you have to chase money. And why a get rich quick scheme? There is no such thing. There is no free lunch…esp with someone who has the wrong intentions. Pyramid schemes fall because the people are weak. The Egyptian pyramid still stands today because the foundations are solid. It amazes me….

Well…we laughed so hard about our problems. She’s been oppressed financially….and I’ve been oppressed emotionally….She’s emotionally liberated..and I was emotionally oppressed. I’m beginning to feel a little free…and I appreciate allll her help! Ngyabonga!! She is a true blessing in my life…so I learned the importance of cleaning.

I need to clean through all the stuff I’m keeping in my life. Inside and out. I’ve realised how much I hold onto things that I don’t use or need…only cos I can’t let go…what if one dday I need it…now what?? I throw and someone crushes it….if it still has any value and you’re not using it…pass it onto someone who will…else how will you have space for new and shiny things…how else will you travel to a new country…when you have so many heavy bags. Bags! Lol. Reminds me of my one aunt who lives close to the windpower stations in eastern cape. What a funny lady…..with so much pain. But I can see her child is really healing her…which is good…..but I dono if she will be able to let her child go when she needs to go to varsity.

That’s the thing tho…as my helper says…if you hold too tight for too long…you squash the thing you are holding. If you don’t appreciate the thing you are holding you will let it go…and it will…run and fall away…your hand is open. If you hold the item in your hand with adequate support…you will be able to appreciate its weight…use…means…if not, let it go…cos if you don’t. you cannot hold onto another object. You will stumble when you carry too many things she said.

Hmmm….

That was me for the longest time. I’ve been a perfectionist. At wat I dono…but I needed to be perfect before the world could see me. I would plastic everything…sanitize everything…everything??? Really…yeh. I was THAT paranoid and scared of germs…to such an extent that my body rebelled…Seriously. You kill the germs with your kettle, how else is your immune system gonna grow if you are so sensitive to germs. Will will make you sick…but if you cannot accept germs and filter in the good ones…how will you be learning…growing…be healthy and know the difference betweeeeen them. So now…I’ve decided…perfectionist is not me. Thank you to Mr Mandossian for clarifying that principle. Sloppy success is definitely better than…perfect mediocrity. I’m not a mediocre person. And I am done perfecting the art of bashing my head against the wall…bashing my head against the door that refuses to be opened. Because clearly…they’re not ready. They’re not ready to be better…becos they think they’re perfect already. Sigh…the risk of pride. I pride myself in draft version…cos it can always change…like the Apple. Sell quality and keep it up…keep it moving…keep it loyal…keep the promise…because you almost always deliver that integrity.

Some cultures are by nature all about pride. The Zulu culture perhaps? The aggressive.. the forceful…the expectation of others to submit to them. Nelson Mandela was a Xhosa man…that culture is a soft spoken kind….I have learned to appreciate both styles. But you know…he was never a man that chased after money. He learned to lead when he was suffering through the oppression…the apartheid. He…was a leader in his own ways…when he was able to touch lives…did he allow others to help him lead.

The leaders of today? I dono…there are some excellent ones. But no good ones are volunteering to lead a country today because the nation refuses to support them and their structures. How does a nation move forward without a leader? I dono…without a leader there is anarchy and chaos. Everyone will force their own agenda and there is no progress in…any direction. It will just be noise. To the ears. Mind. Heart. Life. 

Happiness.

SErrrrriously.

Mr Juju…please sort out your anger issues before you force down your beliefs. You need to explain why you want to do whatever you want to do…before you go running for money…because I know you’re empty inside. Verrrrrryyyy empty…and the promises you are making? Ya! People can see they are gonna be empty promises…because…you haven’t learnt the art of delivery…we can see. Cos there are no fruits of goodness. Your fruits! Your fruits…if you allow me to clarify…they are…stemming from some childhood pain. If you wish me to help you on it…I will. If you wish to force your agenda anymore, I will red flag you and kick you out of my happy life and environment thank you.

Oh! Have you registered to vote!? You better have. I told my friends that if you don’t vote you don’t have the right to complain….oohhhh! what responses I got! Got some very negative hopeless ones…ones who are still swimming around in the flood of poverty and disempowerment…and wishing someone else will help them…someone else…who is that someone else? Or do you need to help yourself first?

Miss DA. Missus? I dono. There was a African man on your poster today, to promise change. What kind of change. Will the change be the reason why that man on your poster is smiling….? I dono. Or is that man forced to smile cos he wants the money…or is that man smiling cos no one else wants to lead…is that man really goonna be our leader or…is he gonna be our oppressor? We’ve done that guys…come on. The de clerk oke? Eish….if you wanna be like that guy…then….well..i dono wat else you want from me or us as a nation when you want to further your agenda. Obviously any kind of success comes from the right place…and the right place starts from the heart. The heart is very broken at the moment…with all the pain and emptyiness of the world.

I suppose that’s why the world is coming to SA….to heal. To find the person to help, so they can be whole again. To heal the hole in their hearts. To fill the hole in the doughnut of their lives. They want…to help. Helping is such a good action. Wanting….without action…and taking? Eish. Nomore nomore noooo nooo noo…as the rehab singer sings. Yeah…she’s passed away….when she refused to go to rehab. That’s what happens when you refuse help my friends. You die. A little. Slowly. Every day. And until you recognise that problem. You’re no sooner to finding the solution for yourself or anyone else. You won’t be a betterment to society or mankind.

Hm…..Thank you Miss J for cleaning up my life like the rain that’s washing out all the dirt today. Yes…it may be causing floods in some parts…it may be causing pain…but it washes cleans waters…the plants that require it to grow and flourish from the seeds it started from. How else would you flourish if you were not being fed the right thing? MANNA??? What is it? It was a question the Israelites asked God, and never appreciated the message God gave them. God became angry and then gave them meat cos they demanded it, else they wouldn’t follow their leader. God…somehow…despite…the rebellion…you still sent your son to save the world. The world refused to help him and killed him…because they themselves were slowly dying inside, and couldn’t realise the life and the limitless possibilities you were allowing them to have. The possibility of heaven. Joy. Peace. Contentment. Happiness. Goodness. Purity. Honesty. Integrity. Anything….that symbolises a hope. A prospect.

They didn’t understand you.. so they murdered your hopeful soul. I’m sorry…but I thank you for allowing me to wash my own sins…cos there are many of them to wash…especially when I started going into the dark. I got lost. Yahhhh…sooooo….hmmm…until you appreciate what you have. You will lose it. As Mr Train the Trainer guy said…Use it or Lose it! Use it or LOOOOOOOOSE it! It is so true. That’s why I prolly forgot my Taiwanese language…and am rusty now with my mandarin….my Afrikaans is also rusting,…cos I don’t appreciate the value of any of them. I now only have the one language the world speaks. The Engrish. The Western dream. The quick culture. The…efficiency. The Babel…of it all….

It’s only when you become lost, and require directions…do you appreciate the help of the people that you are surrounded by. Teeeheee….Thank you Mr Malcolm – in the middle. Lol. Thank you for reminding me to be outrageous!!! OUT-RAGEOUS!!! I am gonna learn to feel again. Whatever it is. I will let it. As Mr Blair, rightfully pointed out. Just feel it. Yeh…I think it’s coming. I dono what yet…but it is. Russelll peters once said…it’s coming? Nutting…NUTTTING is coming!! Lol. I see….it’s cos there was a solid plug in my ears when I thought I was always right. Yyaaaaaa…my bad. I will realise that.

Thank you mister Malcolm for reminding me to ….be divine. Thank YOU for being divine. Thank you for being part of my secret society. My magical adventure. Thank YOU for giving me the light that I need when I get lost in my environment. A push or a nudge is always appreciated. As you learn to appreciate all the things you have in your life…that is when you grow…even the problems. When you laugh about how small some problem…some person…something makes you feel….maybe try laugh about it. Joke about it….as my friend, the Vegetable dude keeps reminding me…I shouldn’t be so serious. You MUSTN’T look like you going to church when you are on a party bus. It was a very hard lesson for me. But I’m learning…and teaching the lesson of being happy. As the Blair keeps saying. Teach what you wanna be an expert on. You don’t have to be perfect in it now…That’s what was how me and Robert got it right. Bumbling along…being hurt shoved pushed closed….kicked out of the way. The thing is…you moved. And congratulations for moving on! Cos if you didn’t….you wouldn’t be helping me right now….BEEEEEGGGG smiles. From the inside and out.

OH!!! Mr Project Life Mastery. Free quality content man! Lol. Thank you thank you thank you for ….reminding me that quality is really important, only when you figure that out…you can manage to monetize. Money NEVER comes first. Money is a fruit of your LABOUR NOT…an ANSWER to your PROBLEM. Money only MAGNIFIES the life you have right now…if you are empty right now…MONEY will exaggerate that problem….and make you even more unhappy with drugs, alcohol….numbing the pain with in. you stumble you fall…you go to jail. Bad boy. So breathe.

And SMILE!!

The world has a lotta amazing to offer. You must just believe in a dream. And hope that it will be possible. Stop looking up to the leaders that are limited…and wonder to yourself…that leaders are bad people, and that you should take them down. Be part of the solution. Not the problem. The only problem you should be wondering about…is what solution should you be part of? I’m still figuring that one out…I have a feeling I wanna be part of PROJECT INSPIRE SOUTH AFRICA for all ALLL the right reasons. I think Mr Pinnick is still pondering why I messaged him. And whether he regrets calling me personnaly. I am a little dotty sometimes. But I think I can help him connect somewhere along the line. Mr Rich Dad advisor…or…previously….dono…will you allow me to be part of your Magic Team? The DREAM team? Or must I create my own…and find a way for sustenance?...Ponders…hm…gimme some time I suppose. I suppose I need to give you sometime. Yeap.

Okay. So it was slow. But I appreciated its slowness. Its pureness. It’s childlike quality. It’s discovery of zebra’s running through the streets of magic. Potential meetings. Potential clarity in this polluted environment of ours. Clean. Lean and mean guys! That’s how we cut out complexity!!!!

And me? I aim to be the happiest I can be…and in doing so, I will allow others to do the same. I will heal by allowing them to heal the inner pain inside. Thank you miss Marianne Williamsseee…ss? J I really truly love your quote. It was really given me a lotta truth.

As Kelly Clarkson sings…Catchin ma breath! Letting it go.Turnin ma cheek for the sake of tha SHOWWWW…now that you KNOW…that this is MA life…issss isss so simple nowwwww…….weightless cloud…I’’lll spend the rest of my time….leaving footprints over town…rest of my life…catchin ma breathe letting it gooooo…I won’t be told watsapposed to be right! I aint got time for that…down….it’s sssso so soooo simple nowwwwwwww! The beauty in everything!!!!

Drowning myself in her words song and rhythm has really allowed me be a lil more outraaaaaageouusssssss!!!!!! Whoooooooooooo…..breathe.

I’m gonna focus on me. On my happiness. Learn and grow. Cos if I don’t appreciate the things I have now…I will never appreciate the future great things to come….and soon the love that once was will fester in the dark corners of the forgotten….like the little prince. The message of wonder. The message from a loving…man. The message of my bestest friend in the world…who has cruelly cruellllly misunderstood you. I am sure you’re hurting..and are still smiling to cover it up. But I will return to France…and we will be happy together, as we climb the Effeil Tower…and appreciate la vie…je suis ….je t’aime. Thank you for being. 

Thank you for your acquaintance! The little prince will find its way back to my bedside table again!! Woop woop….

Okay guys…need to run. Have somewhere to be tomor. My eyes are closing in. if theres anything I missed out or rmb later…I will add in the comment box. Ummm….enjoy??

Merci beaucoup!!

Bon…soir? J

Xoxox…..o.

D.

DDDD…

Oh ya! Thank you to all my awesome guys today for your really sweet messages…it has really allowed me to sustain my burning fire within. I haven’t burnt myself …as yet. Lol. My inside is still okay. I just need to orgainse my flat…now. Mr Harv. Got your message! Arrange all the info coming your way. Lol. Getting it. Doing it. And will master it! Done. K….bye!

Oh…pics. Hm…yea…I will add a little later. No time now. Sorry Excceleence man L. Je suis de sole…L

oh! forgot if i accredited Mr Clem Sunter today. for Fox Sake? lol. middle finger much? gonna be a good read for me soon! can't wait....