Lose your FACE!

It's difficult to see the picture when you're in the frame.

It's also easier to be honest with someone other than yourself. Especially so when you confuse yourself with all the things you think you should be with who you are, what you should be feeling with what you are feeling, what people expect of you versus what you expect of yourself, what you're good at versus what actually livens you. I suppose the reason why knowing yourself is the toughest thing to do is that you exist more in your head than in real life.

After a very honest, profound and inspiring conversation with Willem today, I had some important realisations:

- I'm often in my own way. I don't ask for help when I need it the most. I want to help other people, but the only way I can help other people is by helping myself first. He demonstrated how simple it is to ask, and you don't lose anything from it. If I'm not happy, inspired, energised, alive...how am I supposed to positively impact another person's life? The only person I can change is myself. I am responsible for the energy I bring. Neither can I help someone else, if I'm broke, or floundering for a lifeline.

- I'm a bit of a masochist. It's an odd thing to say...but some way some how...I usually find my way back to things that do not bring me any joy...for "practical reasons". I beat myself up about things that distract me from what I'm supposed to be doing. Its a bitter pill to swallow when you discover what you've worked nearly your whole life for does not bring you any bit of joy. On the other hand, it is liberating when you realise that, and you let it go. When you've killed the option of going back to your old unhappy ways, you're forced to go into unknown territory. Better the quest than the safe sad little wheel, right? "You cannot solve your new problems with your old ways," he said.

- I'm very much attached to the image of always doing the right thing, saying the right thing, being socially acceptable. After all, I belong to a profession that prides itself in quality and correctness. I also hate "losing face". Its a term in Asian culture, losing face is the equivalent to being embarrassed, and having no place to hide your face. I know that having people see an unformed substance has always been uncomfortable feeling for me. I always have to "have it together". I've subsequently been drowning in the thoughts of finding my purpose, and doing the "right" thing that I've paralysed myself. For fear of doing the wrong thing, I haven't embraced the fun part of just doing and discovering.

I'm still young. I don't know it all. I'm okay with failing as long as I'm having fun.

So I'm done with thinking about stuff now. I'm ready to do and sell some sh*t.

Lose my mind. Lose my face!

I start with my homework, and I commit to inasmuch as possible to do things that are not harmful to my own esteem.

Thank you Mr Gous for meeting me today :). Looking forward to working with you in the future. 

True Beauty

Some say life is a battle field - it's just a fight after another fight. If you show you are weak, the strong will tear you down. If you show an act of kindness, the fierce will swallow you whole. You fight your way to get ahead. You keep your armour on to protect yourself and your identity.

Fortunately, we no longer live in the age where we physically need to fight each other for survival (for the most part). Even though the physical armour has been removed, we've put on a more powerful shield. This shield is our false self, a detached self that no one can harm, a self which is efficient at work and gets things done, a self when criticized does not care, a self who hides its own weaknesses and feigns perfection.

Strength. Beauty. Perfection. Truth.

Can all four co-exist?

Let's start with the last one: Truth. What is truth? Simply, truth is something that is real - fact - whatever is true. When someone speaks the truth, it is when they are honest with others, moreover, honest with themselves. Sometimes, it's easier to be honest with another person than it is to be honest with yourself. Savage Garden once sang: "animals and children tell the truth; they never lie". I think the reason that they can do so, is that they don't have much to prove and they don't have a story they need to cling onto. Truth is as important as the person with whom its shared. You don't share your life story with any person - especially people who have not earned the rights to hear your story (Brene Brown).

Perfectionism. The biggest untruth. We are often told that no one is perfect, and yet people get judged harshly. Or, the other extreme: no one is perfect, and people justify their faults to the nth degree. "So what if I have a bad temper? I was born this way!"  The problem with being a perfectionist, is that there is little to no room for error or fault - in other words, no room for improvement. There is also a sense of lack of awareness, distrust, and lack in self confidence. When you are a perfectionist, the word in itself, starts to blind you from your own faults, because you are "perfect". All the faults lie with the OTHER person. When you are a perfectionist, there's also a degree of distrust in the other person. You are unwilling, and not comfortable enough to let the other person see your faults. The fear of judgement gnaws at your own self-awareness and your own confidence.

If we all were perfect, I wonder what the world would be like to live in. The funny thing about beauty is that it does not necessarily lie in perfection. Dimples, for example, is considered a characteristic of a beautiful person, but it is actually a genetic defect that is caused by shortened facial muscles*.

Beauty has also been said to be in the eye of the beholder. As an Enlightened Warrior, you learn that everything anyone says or sees, is a projection of themselves. If the beholder can appreciate beauty, it means that beauty exists in them, as well as the object of their observation. John Legend sings about his love and her "perfect imperfection". It's such a touching line. When you truly love someone, you are willing to embrace all of them - their strengths and their weaknesses. It almost goes to say, that when you're willing to accept someone else's flaws, you can then begin to be merciful to yourself, and accept your own shortcomings.

Strength. Self acceptance and self approval is an understated strength. When you can wholly accept yourself, it would make it so much easier to be kinder to yourself. Self confidence comes from self approval. A person's strength lies not in using their own strengths to attack another person's weaknesses. A person's true strength lies in his or her ability to use their strengths and also inspire another to draw on their strengths and be a better person.

Our false self although in the short term can assist in getting things done, in the long term it cannot serve us. In the long term, as we carry the weight of our other, projected self, we project a wall, where others cannot enter and we cannot exit. We can no longer connect with others on a deeper level, and more so, ourselves. That is the pain of our false self - disconnection and division. The illusion of perfection.

When you are willing to accept truth about your weaknesses, you are willing to forgo the impression of perfection, but strive to be a better person in spite of your faults; when you are willing to see the beauty in your imperfections, you will find strength in the truth of your soul. Peace and love are waiting to enter your heart.